Warning: I do my best to reflect on things that makes me happy, but at times, I have my days when things aren't too well. I don't like to be dishonest with myself, so not everything will be butterflies and rainbows on this blog.

4.28.24
Listening to Nintendo Frutiger Aero Chill Mix

This weekend, Bern and I hung out with my parents-- I think it's been a couple of years since I last saw them in person. We made plans to visit the Huntington Gardens & Library Park, but their tickets sold out. In the past, we were able to purchase tickets without making reservations on a weekend during Spring. We ended up going to a Descanso Gardens instead, it's not as varied as Huntington Gardens, but we were able to see a number of beautiful  flowers. Next time, we just have to make sure to reserve our spot for Huntington's.


We ended up going to one of the best Thai food restaurants (&reasonably priced, outdoor seating) in Pasadena. I could no longer eat spicy foods, but they got enough things I can order from. I ordered my food like a basic witch. Bern got the pumpkin curry, and it smelled so good...and for my safety, I can't have a bite . It was so fragrant, I could smell fresh basil from his plate.

4.20.24
Listening to In Dreams by Roy Orbison

In the past, I've made complaints about Tiktok being very addicting and unproductive. Sometimes,  along with Twitter, I would doomscroll on my depressive days...and it's because these issues are more of a personal thing and not so much because of the apps I use. However, Tiktok is the only social media app that I find useful when it comes to food recipes, musical artists, art clips, local businesses, public resources, housing advices, and current events that are not from the Global North perspectives. The idea behind the ban is pretty concerning. It's also an app that I find the most entertaining too...I'm also going to miss some of the mindless content, things that are similar to Ratatouille musical or Appalachian Shakespheare-- it would be impossible to do these type of interactive trends over Instagram reels. There are many creators who rely on the TikTok algorithm to boost their personal businesses, and having an app banned can strip them away financially. The reasoning behind the ban isn't surprising and it makes me feel disgusted thinking about it. If it actually happens, I will be very upset for all of my favorite content creators. Just in case, I'll have to make sure I follow all of my favorite creators' socials.

Anyway, so far this week for a belated Songkran celebration, I've been having stir-fry glass noodles (cha mee suor), lemongrass chicken breasts, & grilled corn with coconut milk (not pictured). We had one warm day this week and I ended up having strawberry mango smoothie mixed with coconut juice...it was quite refreshing.

4.14.24
Listening to music from Days of Being Wild

It's Songkran week! Happy New Year to anyone who celebrates/partakes in Buddhist holidays. So far, it's been a rainy weekend-- I guess that's perfect for a water festival celebration, after all, having rain feels purifying. I sent my parents a text wishing them well since there's not a whole lot I can do to celebrate this weekend, especially with the rain and the temperature being 50 degrees Fahrenheit. Bern and I thought about getting some grubs at Wat Thai in North Hollywood, but I think would rather go on a different weekend.

4.6.24
Listening to Aquello Ojos Verdes- Nat King Cole

This week has been a mixture of rain, sunny, warm and cold. Since April just started, I'm thinking of switching out my Valentine decors for a bunch of rabbit stuff... I don't know, I love my Valentine-related displays. Bern and I didn't do a whole lot for our Easter Weekend or April's Fool Day. Neither of us grew up religious (all of our childhood stuff were just cultural), and we're both way too emotionally exhausted to pull creative pranks towards our friends. Since we can't be around a lot of unmasked people, we did end up having a quiet outing after an hour of errands. We did some window shopping, people-watching, strolling & getting lunch from a windows-only food joint. There were so many thrift stores around-- we didn't do any actual shopping, it's just nice seeing them around. Sometimes we just like having a change of scenery.


I liked that they had a sticker machine in front of a second-hand shop. I normally don't see a whole lot of anime-related stuff on this street. The artwork (picture on the right) touches my heart. Unfortunately, I don't think very many people are health-conscious at the moment as they were in the year 2020

3.28.24 (Posted 3.29.24)
Listening to Cosmo Canyon Theme from FFVII

I haven't been able to play any video games this week, except for the Princess Peach demo. So far, I like it-- it feels like most of the newer Kirby games I've played. Princess Peach looked super dashing in her swordsman costume! I think the game play is someone what straight forward, like with a lot of Nintendo games. The graphics are charmingly vivid to look at because it's quite colorful. I wouldn't mind having a Princess Peach game in my collection, but I want to wait because I still have sooo many other games I want to finish up first. 

My sister Cony stopped by to drop off some gifts for Bern and I. My dad gifted Bern a bunch of good quality pants that no longer fits him-- they're old Levi's jeans and cargo pants. Bern mostly wear shorts because the weather here tends to be mild year round, I'm sure the long pants will be useful on cooler days. He even packed some sewing templates for me-- I guess my mom must have told him that I've been experimenting with the sewing machine. Cony got us a few trinkets that were meant to be dropped off during the holidays. I was in no rush to get them because I live quite far from her place and I told her to drop by anytime when it's the most convenient for her. We basically caught up on things. I told her that I have another "scan test" (a CAT scan)  coming up and that I can't be too sure if I will be completely cleared in the current condition that I'm in. I learned that my sister is now in a relationship with someone who she feels positive about, the last person she was with wasn't a very nice person-- I felt bad that she was dealing with his ill-behavior  . At least from what she has been telling me, I'm happy that her current boyfriend treats her well. My family actually met him, my mom even mentioned his name on the phone--- sounds like a green flag!

I've been meaning to post this, but I finished my Goku & ChiChi drawing awhile back, so I'll just end my post with my drawing here:

3.18.24 (Posted 3.29.24)
Listening to Maria Elena- Xavier Cugat

I just finished Shall We Dance (1996) this past week. It's a pretty light-hearted comedic film about a salary man who was trapped in a monotonous rut until he encounters a beautiful woman (ballroom dance teacher) at a window of a building as he was heading home in a train, he sees her by the window pretty often. One day, he skipped his path to a train station and ended up visiting the building by signing himself to the dance courses. After a few dance classes, he asked her out to dinner-- she rejected him by telling him that she prefers not to go out with her students (big yikes, because he's a married man with a teenage daughter). She takes dancing seriously and reminded him that the dance studio is to not be treated like a "disco". This has been a common occurrences for her and these are the type of students don't stick around dancing for too long, because they were more interested in her than the dance lessons. The MC continued to show up to the dance courses because he wanted to prove to the dance instructor that he's not that type of person.....Good thing is, he actually later then realized that he fell in love with ballroom dancing and even became friends with his classmates! One of his classmates happens to be his co-worker and they both agreed to keep their hobby a secret from their work life, the main character also kept his hobby a secret from his family. I don't think the director did enough to show the consequences or the reparations between the main character and his spouse ..it is almost as if they romanticized the main character's intent to commit adultery?

Otherwise, it was a decent film to watch! They did a charming job showcasing a shy, nearly mid-aged man picking up a new hobby, not being particularly great at it first, but does become a good dancer (mainly waltz style) as weeks passes by-- the most important part is that he truly enjoys it, dancing made him happy. The sight of watching his mid-aged classmates encouraging each other to dance better and see them all attending competitions together was very cute. ..They all felt like a team and each of his friends got different strengths in different dance styles.

This movie makes me think of hobbies in general and that one can never be too old, too this, or too that to get into a new interest. This isn't anything new, there have been countless of research that having hobbies is a great way to keep your brain strong!

3.8.24 (Posted 3.10.24)
Listening to Sega Saturn Relaxing Music VHS tape

I'm sure most of y'all heard the news-- Akira Toriyama, the creator of Dragon Ball, has recently passed away during the year of the dragon. His art style for game art is one of the reasons why I got into Jrpgs-- I liked how he's not afraid to draw cute characters and give them cartoon-like features. I also noticed that he oftehn wrote characters that grows, gets married and have kids-- and their story would just continue and their kids would become the main characters of the medium! I could  be over-analyzing this, but seeing how he drew cute babies doing natural baby things and watching them grown overtime, I truly believed Toriyama embraced his parenthood.

Because I grew up watching the censored version of Dragon Ball on WB, I ended up rewatching it over the first two years of the pandemic. It was a completely different experience and its even better watching the series in its original form with proper context. So I love the series even more as an adult.  Just looking at this art inspires me to illustrate objects in a different way.  He's the master of drawing cute, roundish vehicles-- and I'm still doing my best to study his style because I love his take on vehicles.

I'm sure he have made some drawing/writing choices that were questionable...I don't perceive him to be a holy saint in any way, but I've connected with most of my friends from middle/high school because of Dragon Ball. I remembered gifting them print outs of Trunks and Vegeta to decorate on their binders.  Even in my adult work life, I've bonded with co-workers who are Dragon Ball fans. I even got relatives who've watched a lot of wuxia series, and we would gather around the television to watch DB.

2.28.24 (Posted 3.10.24)
Listening to Vinesauce Stream

Well today, I spotted a giant cockroach in my kitchen..I basically screamed and almost cried. The thing is, I lived next to a creek, I'm actually used to seeing all kinds of bugs: daddy long legs, spiders, and splinter bugs... I do not react when they're around because usually they're always in their corner minding their own business. With cockroaches, I really loathe them...especially with the one I spotted this afternoon, ewwww. I think it was almost as big as a credit card in terms of length and the width of three Crayola markers lined together.  I found a bag and placed the opening of the bag near it as it slowly crawled into the opening-- I quickly folded the opening of the bag and took it outside. Maybe a trash panda will get a hold of it.

From now on, I will have to be extra vigilant with keeping my kitchen clean. All food scraps will just go into the freezer. I had to rewash my dishes because it was crawling around the dish rack. ;__;

After doing a full kitchen cleaning, I decided to call my mom just to check up on my parents. The last I Facetimed my mom, I could sensed her disappointment when I told her that I won't be able to attend my cousin's wedding. She understood where I was coming from and she knows that my health is a priority. I'd love to reconnect with my family members, it's just that I know that the wedding venue won't be an outdoor place, there will certainly be a lot of people, and I can't expect my relatives to make any accommodations for those who can't afford to get sick.

I can also sense my mom's nervousness every time I bring up my tests/ body scans... just to be sure that I don't have any "suspicious" cells left after a treatment I had a couple years back. I told her that Bern and I will be extending our lease in our Los Angeles home and that we're doing okay with rent after all...even she felt disappointed by that news. "Ahh ok, incase if things don't work out for whatever reason, you and Bern are welcome to live here anytime" she said, "it has been so quiet here". I love my parents for that, but I honestly feel unloved by my hometown (at least from several years ago).

Since I finally got my test results back, I wanted to put her mood to ease by sharing the good news--  I told her that there's nothing suspicious in my body, except that I just have to watch out for my digestive system and take things easy. Yayyy. It turns out she was at work with my elder cousin when I called her this afternoon-- we waved back at each other through the facetime. It makes me happy to see that our relatives  are around to keep her on her toes. Being reminded that my mom is pretty social makes me feel relieved to see that she isn't alone. Really hoping that they remind her of her blood sugar level and I hope that she pays attention to the food labels. I get that change isn't easy-- especially having to cut down certain foods that has been a healthy staple for your whole life.


Right now, I'm working on upcycling a pair of low quality skinny jeans and turning them into a ruffled denim skirt. I wanted a shape that goes with soft lines. I haven't been sewing for quite awhile, which means my line stitches are wonky-- that's okay though! All I need is more practice.

2.18.24 Valentine Sunday
Listening to Drawfee streams

Afterall those days of work, Bern finally got a day off!  We treated this day as a Valentine redo. We had mixed berries pancakes for breakfast and some nice cold cut sandwiches with Zapp's chips for lunch-- all home prepared by me, just safe foods and no crazy acid reflux symptoms. We even found time to do a little park stroll..and we took advantage of the public workout booths  .  Our Sunday was mostly cloudy, which is fine because I was able to get some good amount of sun from this past week. As I am typing this, we're now in a rainy hour. As much as I like the sight and sound of rainy days, hopefully we get light rains and no flash floods, because our city's infrastructure isn't ideal for heavy rain. 


Bern and I found a super delicious non dairy ice cream brand... they were chocolate bars with salted caramel filling. Simple sweet treats made my day. By the end of the evening Bern and I went back to our creative/artsy hour and I think I am done with this fellow: 

2.15.24 Happy Valentine's Week
Listening to S M O K E B R E A K lofi hiphop

 Whether you are single, in a relationship or celebrating with a group friends I hope you all had a nice Valentine's Day . 

Mine was turning out fine until I ate a burger takeout food that triggered my acid reflux-- I honestly thought I would have to head to an emergency room. I haven't had a painful reflux for quite years because I've been very careful in what I consume. I'm so used to cooking up my own meals and ordering from places that are "safe" for Bern and I to eat. Sometimes restaurants got hidden peppers and you don't realize it until your stomach feels it... especially if you're the kind of person who grew up tasting spicy foods and not remember how potent it actually is within the condition that you have. At this point, I'm kind of traumatized from doing takeout orders from food places we aren't too familiar with. Some restaurants aren't transparent about all of their ingredients and I have to keep that in mind (I should've known this by learning what happened to Keith Lee). Bern suggested a Valentine's Day redo and I would be fine with that. I'm just happy that I didn't have to go to an emergency room, the pain went  away a couple hours after taking an antacid... which includes running to a toilet bowl, emptying out the stomach and sleeping it off for a bit 

For the remainer of this month, I might just take some time to be my own Valentine alone: do some neighborhood walks, get proper amounts of fiber, absorb some sunlight, do some art sketches, and play cozy games. I'm thinking of snatching up a bouquet of roses and do some still life drawings of them ^^. 

2.2.24 Just Romantic Vibes
Listening to Since Yesterday by Tommy February 6

 Another productive week once again! I think I've been pretty great about recording all my meds, soaking up some sun, getting some art projects done, and not neglecting my exercises. I'm not new to Twitch, but I finally found a pretty cool art chat that got nice vibes. The person running the stream makes cute graphic/ illustrative designs and her followers are easy to talk to. Chatrooms can honestly be intimidating at times because I don't always have the best way of articulating all my specific thoughts into one sentence for a chatroom & I take my time forming my ideas into words. I'm just happy that I found a fun and happy group! I've only caught her streams twice, so hopefully, I'll run more into more of her streams in the future 

 We've been getting 70-80 degrees Fahrenheit weather, and now we're back to a rainy 58 degrees type of weather. Here are my OC drawings to set off a mood with the month of February:


I designed an image for my game layout page, also using my OCs in this artwork. I'm not quite used to Procreate yet, but I think I am getting the hang of it.  I tend to switch back and forth with Procreate & Clip Studio Paint. 

1.24.24 Blog Feed Cleanse: Unposted Drawing Prompts from October

 Around October, I joined a drawing prompt made by a creator with quite a following, I liked her art and her choice of words...they weren't too abstract in ideas, so it made it easy for me to come up with themes just by drawing different types of figures. I just wanted to draw pretty witchy women as anthropomorphic  characters. I haven't been able to post the rest of my Halloween drawings on my blog because my mind was just somewhere else. I've mentioned that October 2023 wasn't as spooky as I would hope for it to be, simply because I wasn't in much of a mood. It just wasn't appropriate at the time to feel festive. Regardless, I've managed to push myself to draw-- it felt like a studying. 


I guess she'd be perfect for Valloween? The prompt for this was Barbie Witch, I actually based her off from the 1989 Sweet Roses Barbie doll.


Here's my prompt for Candy Witch. I'm sure if you flipped through any fashion editorial pictures in the 2010s, its very common to see models posing with gigantic sweet treats. I put my own spin by adding Halloween themed treats as the props. 


The prompt for this was "fruit witch". Could I have gone with a lady doing burlesque in a bunch of fruit-like garments? Probably.  I didn't feel like it at the time...  so I went for the cottage core style instead. 

1.19.24
Listening to whitenoise and wind

Anyway, to retain my sanity, I'll have to get back to my mindless hobbies. I've been following an artist influencer who's been sharing public parks, libraries, laundry mats and local food joints in LA. People like her have been giving me so much hope-- I don't want to stay trapped in my echo chamber bubble, I will have to get out and just meet people who want to try to make things better. Not to mention, her fashion sense is awesome too and she looks so beautiful just by sharing helpful resources. I'm going to have to discipline myself too! I'm fortunate that I grew up in a household with family members  & a community who are very hospital and not expect anything in return. Yeah, I'm fairly shy at times but I will have to re-awaken my people-interaction skills 

1.16.24
Listening to Binks Sake

Happy New Year to you all, I hope your holidays went well for you!

I haven't thought up of any real resolutions yet because it's way too cold for me and I usually wait until late winter/ early spring to get a fresh start. Going by the Gregorian calendar is way too abrupt for me to stay focus. Plus, I was on my low- iodine diet for the past three weeks-- I have been feeling very uninspired. It's finally nice to start eating my normal foods again. Bern took me to a nearest Ranch 99 and helped me load up with grocery shopping, after that, we got some burgers-- they're quite delicious. Especially after three effing weeks. Bern forgot to grab *cute* snacks from Ranch 99, but got these Koala cookies from Target instead:


A couple of my friends (lets call them Croc and Panda) are moving away back to their hometown-- their apartment lease is up. If I am speculating his character correctly, I wished Croc put his proudness aside and ask Bern for help earlier!  I know they won't be gone for too long because just like Bern and I, they would not want to stay living with their parents, especially being in a long term relationship and living in separate places.  Panda apparently has strong ambitions to get her Masters at a school in LA, I hope that will be soon for her! I'm going to miss them because they're one of our very few friends who are health conscious and have been considerate about others' physical inabilities even if they're not so obvious. I hope it won't be ridiculously long before they move back over here.  Panda ended up dropping a couple of her furniture to our place. Bern and I were in need of new furniture, so it works out! ..And it's kind of nice to have their things, because now it feels like I have a part of them. 

So far, my January has been pretty uneventful. I got invested in some Bay Area Californians and Keith Lee discourse on social media. Apparently, a few Bay Area folks didn't take his opinions too well, completely misunderstood him and felt insulted. Fans were upset at other fans for recommending him places in the Tenderloins. Most of the Bay Arean locals agreed with him. I can't weigh too much of my opinion about this because I grew up in an agricultural city-town of the Bay, going to San Francisco and Oakland would always be like a mini day trip.

It sucks that our beloved food critic had to cut his trip short after being sent to an emergency room after an allergic reaction. Scary. I guess wherever he went, the restaurant did not thoroughly remove shellfish particles on their grill after telling him they would :/. I'm sure there are tons of delicious food places in every major regions of the US and I'm sure Keith, who's a smart guy, doesn't doubt that all! Afterall, his branding is about going to only hole-in-the-wall shops with dying businesses ..and he was transparent about visiting only 8 food places! I'm sure no sane person can judge a region made up of NINE DIFFERENT COUNTIES on the food culture, especially being right next to the ocean and agricultural places. If Keith is willing to come back, I would recommend a local paleta shop (fits his criteria for a -hole-in-a -wall) from my hometown... I can guarantee there aren't any shellfish foods there! Unfortunately, a lot of my other personal favorite mom and pop shops probably uses some sort of seafood-based seasoning for umami.  I think me being on a LID for the past weeks made me think of food AND that's probably how I ended up reading about the Bay Area food drama. haha

12.26.23

Trigger warning: I'll be discussing health/diet related stuff involving medical related stuff the second last paragraph. I'm no expert, just going by doctor's orders. Feel free to skip that part, if reading this type of subject makes you uncomfortable.

As usual, my parents ended up gifting Bern and I some things for Christmas even after I told them they didn't have to do that, but they wanted to anyways. I received a basketful of persimmons from them. This year, they came out pretty plump and juicy. Normally, I would incorporate persimmons into my baking projects, but Bern and I decided to just keep them around for snacking. We end up going through them quite fast. 


Both of my parents gifted me some cooking wares. I tend to bake a lot of casserole dishes, so I'm quite happy that they got me things that I need. I hope I can keep them in pristine condition . Aren't these tiny Dutch ovens kinda adorable? It's like getting toys with miniature house things. I might use them for 1-day pot pies, quiches, & cobblers. 

12.24.23
Listening to K.K. Birthday- K.K. Slider

Happy Birthday to me! And happy birthday to Tony Tony Chopper. I baked myself a cake made up of: vanilla Swiss merengue buttercream, semi-sweet chocolate ganache, rainbow sprinkle cake tiers, candied cranberries and mango curd filling. I made a few wishes, blew my candle out, and pigged out by the end of the night with Bern. I'm definitely no pro when it comes to cake decorating, but it came out pretty tasty. We're down to one slice left.


We for sure did other stuff before hand: we got Ike's sandwiches, got dressed up, and took a neighborhood stroll in LA County's historical site in Altadena.


We went to look at the world's oldest & largest electrical-Christmas light installation. Parking was simple, it's free and open for the public. I think there are also a lot of interesting museums nearby! Most people would just drive by. I'm kind of a sucker for landmark sites because I like to imagine Huell Howser's ghost saying, "What in tarnation?!"

There was a reviewer who complained about the lights being dim. I'm going to guess they were probably experiencing traditional incandescent light through a camera phone-- you would have to best experience the lights in person, especially since they were first installed a hundred years ago. Imagine trying to capture the moon; it tends to look very beautiful in person, but wildly different in pictures. It certainly did not look dim in person, each bulb was like a size of a house lamp's bulb. Even the cable wires looks very different from a lot of modern-day Christmas lights (I'll stop nerding out now). I know I've been feeling somewhat solemn & helpless for these past few months, but walking under those lights was a nice way to regain my spirit. I was happy that Bern took me out, because the installation was sincerely amazing to look at.


I told y'all that I was going to have a lowkey-holiday, so my birthday was lowkey too (not complaining). I didn't get myself anything else for my birthday. At this point, I haven't even step foot inside a shopping mall.... just not feeling the shopping vibes at all



*Note: Please do keep in mind, like with a lot of historical sites in this country, it comes with a dark past. It's just something we should all learn to recognize.

I don't mind aging because I do feel it's a privilege to age, there are some cool people in my life who didn't make it far , and objectively, I'm still a young person. I look forward to finishing up my favorite tv show, trying new foods, reconnecting with people and finding new indie games to play. Hopefully, if I can get a bit of accommodations with my physical health, maybe I can bring some stuff to my local community? I want to do something. I'm still trying to figure out ways to break out of my shell.

12.17.23- Lowkey Holiday Celebration Week

 Did you know that you can still help generate funding to your local library by simply borrowing books & media through digital apps? I borrowed Nutcracker: The Motion Picture (1986), a favorite Nutcracker adaptation of mine, mainly because I like the set design made by Maurice Sendak, the person who wrote and illustrated Where the Wild Things Are. I'm not sure how to describe Sendak's art style, but when you see it, you just know. 


I'm not going to explain why, but I won't being doing much of anything for holidays besides home decorations and spending some free time with Bern. I pretty much skipped the holiday shopping. No ice skating venues or winter festivity exhibits. Usually, every year, I would get a novelty ornament to add to my collection-- I'm just not feeling the vibes this year. Although, I wouldn't mind some social interaction, I'm glad that I won't be hanging out with any of friends and families....there has been a whole lot on my mind. This year will be lowkey.

I had these decorations up for a week now (I always do seasonal decorative switches all year). They're a combination of old items and new collections that both Bern and I kept for years. For instance, Bern kept all his stuffed animals since childhood (like his Puffkins from the Hallmark store). 
I like keeping all of my stationery items and decorative skincare packages-- I don't ever throw them out! Pictured below on the right: my crafted Christmas angel dolls. If you're anything like me in a sense that you enjoy building/ crafting, I highly recommend you check out this blog. I was also inspired to craft my Halloween angels after this too. 

12.13.23- The Wine Country was never inclusive

I stumbled upon a tiktok vid about a creator who fell in love my hometown* and I thought it was funny. She's for certain, past the honeymoon phase, her reasonings were valid and I very much believe her... so I see where she is coming from. I'm happy that this woman found a place in one of my childhood hometowns. As much as I enjoyed the beauty of this place, I felt like it's been gate-kept and meant for the protected class, if we have to be quite honest. I know there were plenty folks in that community who've been genuinely welcoming while not putting emphasis on people who do not look like them. Then there are folks who puts on the nice person facade, yet remain distant...some do it subconsciously, not realizing their behavior. Think Anne With An E/ Anne of Green Gables but tucked in some winery region in California, that's pretty much what this place was for me growing up. Beautiful parks, very limited inexpensive food places, lack of night culture outside of breweries, places being so far apart, shitload of wineries, car hangouts and sheltered communities. This place is considered progressive, but at times, it really isn't. Haha.

So where am I going with this? Well, once our lease is up, Bern and I will have to decide whether or not we have to go back to live with our parents. I don't know if I want to live with Bern's parents, mainly because I value a bit of space to indulge in physical hobbies. It will be easier to just go back to my childhood home. Bern can pop by anytime since we grew up in the same district. It will be kind of weird because we're practically married, and it will feel like we've just started dating again.

I'll for sure have to put on my strong girl helmet and just deal with judgey neighbors. Perhaps maybe my old hometown has matured? Maybe people have changed their ways? Either way, what's most important is that Bern and I will have places to live.... even if it's only temporary. I know it's not a perfect city either (no place is), but I will miss LA for sure if that happens. I'll miss being able to wear my alt fashion and no one will bat an eye. I'll miss birdwatching for parrots. Perhaps, I'll use that time to reconnect with people in my hometown if they're still around?

I put *, because I was born in LA started my childhood here but moved to a rural place in California in the middle of first grade. I don't think it's appropriate to claim as an Angeleno because I lived in my other hometown a lot longer and I came back to this city as an adult... even both if both Bern's and my relatives grew up & lives here.

12.11.23 Brainstorming my lil' birthday treat

December is also my birthday month and it's coming up soon... I'm not too sure what I want to do since I can't be around a lot of people (it's literally for health check up reasons lol), not that would matter much anyways since most of my family & friends tend to be preoccupied during this season. I think I will bake myself a cake, a takeout from a local business and just continue to engage in a neighborhood stroll. I've been telling my loved ones not to get me anything non-practical because Bern and I don't have much space for things we don't need. I can sure use a new pair of comfortable sneakers since my current ones are falling apart, and I don't mind food gifts haha. Besides rent money, other bills, and *ehem* world peace ... I don't have much to ask for.

12.01.23-12.13.23 First week of the month, and our leaders are still committing terror

 And it's December! The last month of the year. The past few months have been a lot, factually, a lot of everything has been like this over my own lifetime.  I won't get into too much details, but imagine going full demonic mode for the whole world to see and years later, your grandkids (they don't have to be biological) would avoid wanting to do anything with you because of the shame you brought upon your family members. When I say full demonic mode, I'm not talking about it a chaotic-good type of way... I meant in a way how the racist bullies appeared in those black and white photos when they were captured during the school integration with the Little Rock 9. 

As for now, I've been witnessing just straight-up mass murderers who've been pretty upfront, with no filters showing their intentions on their social media accounts. No amount of mainstream media can hide their actions. It's vile. Like how do they live with themselves? 

I feel disappointed in some of my friends. Just seeing how a lot of my colleagues behaved during this display of terror, it gave me an insight on how they would have acted during the 1930s. I want to avoid centering myself in this type of topic, but I shouldn't be surprised at times considering I am a grand/daughter of people who were refugees from the 70s.

Also, what's with some workplaces advising employees not to engage in political discussion? Wouldn't that be hard to avoid since everything we consume is political whether we like it or not? Like if a client vents about wages and parking garage costs, wouldn't that be a valid discussion we can bond over? lol. Or if there's a contamination in our water source, surely, we'd all love to be informed about that. I get that these topics can be uncomfortable, but I'd rather be uncomfortable knowing that we would have a hand in trying to stop something than be comfortable, and act surprised once it actually bites us all in the butt. Even a lot of the media we consume are political, they're not made out of nothing.... Star Wars, Godzilla, The Hunger Games, Stardew Valley, and A Bug's Life lol. 

I'm sorry that I have to start my December entry with such non-prettiness. I promise y'all, I do want to share more beautiful moments in the future and if you follow me long enough, it's not like I never not experienced the good things between humanity... I know there are a lot of loving people out there. Overall, I want to be realistic with my feelings because I want to be able to look back at my entries and remind myself how things really were.