Winter 2023- 2024 Journal

Warning: I do my best to reflect on things that makes me happy, but at times, I have my days when things aren't too well. I don't like to be dishonest with myself, so not everything will be butterflies and rainbows on this blog.

2.15.24 Happy Valentine's Week
Listening to S M O K E B R E A K lofi hiphop

Whether you are single, in a relationship or celebrating with a group friends I hope you all had a nice Valentine's Day

.

Mine was turning out fine until I ate a burger takeout food that triggered my acid reflux-- I honestly thought I would have to head to an emergency room. I haven't had a painful reflux for quite years because I've been very careful in what I consume. I'm so used to cooking up my own meals and ordering from places that are "safe" for Bern and I to eat. Sometimes restaurants got hidden peppers and you don't realize it until your stomach feels it... especially if you're the kind of person who grew up tasting spicy foods and not remember how potent it actually is within the condition that you have. At this point, I'm kind of traumatized from doing takeout orders from food places we aren't too familiar with. Some restaurants aren't transparent about all of their ingredients and I have to keep that in mind (I should've known this by learning what happened to Keith Lee). Bern suggested a Valentine's Day redo and I would be fine with that. I'm just happy that I didn't have to go to an emergency room, the pain went away a couple hours after taking an antacid... which includes running to a toilet bowl, emptying out the stomach and sleeping it off for a bit

For the remainer of this month, I might just take some time to be my own Valentine alone: do some neighborhood walks, get proper amounts of fiber, absorb some sunlight, do some art sketches, and play cozy games. I'm thinking of snatching up a bouquet of roses and do some still life drawings of them ^^.

early 20th century dress illustration fashion

Let's end this post with my last drawing from the past week! I saw a collection of vintage-inspired bridal dresses (I think they're made in the 90s, heavily taking inspirations from early 20th century styles) on Pinterest and thought to myself that I had to draw them.

2.2.24 Just Romantic Vibes
Listening to Since Yesterday by Tommy February 6

Another productive week once again! I think I've been pretty great about recording all my meds, soaking up some sun, getting some art projects done, and not neglecting my exercises. I'm not new to Twitch, but I finally found a pretty cool art chat that got nice vibes. The person running the stream makes cute graphic/ illustrative designs and her followers are easy to talk to. Chatrooms can honestly be intimidating at times because I don't always have the best way of articulating all my specific thoughts into one sentence for a chatroom & I take my time forming my ideas into words. I'm just happy that I found a fun and happy group! I've only caught her streams twice, so hopefully, I'll run more into more of her streams in the future

We've been getting 70-80 degrees Fahrenheit weather, and now we're back to a rainy 58 degrees type of weather. Here are my OC drawings to set off a mood with the month of February:

I designed an image for my game layout page, also using my OCs in this artwork. I'm not quite used to Procreate yet, but I think I am getting the hang of it. I tend to switch back and forth with Procreate & Clip Studio Paint.

1.24.24 Blog Feed Cleanse: Unposted Drawing Prompts from October

Around October, I joined a drawing prompt made by a creator with quite a following, I liked her art and her choice of words...they weren't too abstract in ideas, so it made it easy for me to come up with themes just by drawing different types of figures. I just wanted to draw pretty witchy women as anthropomorphic characters. I haven't been able to post the rest of my Halloween drawings on my blog because my mind was just somewhere else. I've mentioned that October 2023 wasn't as spooky as I would hope for it to be, simply because I wasn't in much of a mood. It just wasn't appropriate at the time to feel festive. Regardless, I've managed to push myself to draw-- it felt like a studying.

I guess she'd be perfect for Valloween? The prompt for this was Barbie Witch, I actually based her off from the 1989 Sweet Roses Barbie doll.

Here's my prompt for Candy Witch. I'm sure if you flipped through any fashion editorial pictures in the 2010s, its very common to see models posing with gigantic sweet treats. I put my own spin by adding Halloween themed treats as the props.

The prompt for this was "fruit witch". Could I have gone with a lady doing burlesque in a bunch of fruit-like garments? Probably. I didn't feel like it at the time... so I went for the cottage core style instead.

1.19.24 Listening to whitenoise and wind

Yesterday morning, I clumsily knocked a glass bottle of fish sauce off of my kitchen counter. Luckily, the glass didn't break but the bottle cap came undone. Some fish sauce splattered on my kitchen floor, the wall, some cereal boxes & some snack boxes. Some splattered on my clothes. I spent the whole morning doing some handwashes, cleaning up the spill and the remainder of my laundry washes. I loooove fish sauce as a food ingredient, but I do not want any of the fish smell to linger! I ended up just sweeping and mopping the floor by the end of the morning. No big deal, the floor needs cleaning.

I still like having some of my holiday lights around...they're like my fun, festive lamp. So I decided to keep them on my wall. I did, however packed a couple of holiday decors away. I find that it's less overwhelming for me to just do a small number of them each day. I might just replace them with my Valentine's Day & Chinese New Year decorations, because I like making changes to my space.

Last month, our neighbor was close to getting rid of their tv (all in perfect condition). They let me have it for free. Without hesitance, knowing that Bern and I need a back up monitor for his computer/ work related stuff-- I just picked it up! Ever since, Panda dropped some furniture for us, we finally found a space for our new TV. I think I am starting to become like my dad, the "furniture & appliances hoarder". I hate seeing perfectly good and useful things getting thrown out. My dad isn't an even a science-textbook hoarder, btw. I pulled out our Wii U console and hooked it up to the tv. I spent the whole day looking for HDMI & power cables (not sure why they weren't all together T___T).

It's been over seven years! I decided to continue on my Wind Waker game, because I am Harley-- the queen of unpredictability. It took me be a bit of time to figure out my goals. All I know is that I helped a dragon at Dragon Roost Island & my hometown is filled with monsters under dark clouds. That's where I left off.

Aside from home organization & maintaining my personal health, yes, I am still feeling bitter about how things has been escalating since the past few months. I'm still upset at my friends who aren't vocal, yet they've been vocal about monstrosities of the past/ just selective about certain issues. We also had to defriend one person from our hometown who's been vocal but in a way that went the opposite way. Yiiiiikes. These are all people in their late 20s- 30s, they can all read, ask questions, and research their shit, no excuses. I feel like I'm going crazy at times. Luckily, I have Bern besides me to remind me that I am not. I don't even expect my friends to be a super hardcore when it comes to grave global issues. I don't even consider myself perfect in this area. I would only be focused to just blog about mindless subjects like glittery makeup and vintage dolls by now, if things weren't so bad. At the least for the bare minimum, they can start avoiding the consumption of three major companies (stuff you can survive without) AND still enjoy these same things (sometimes even better & more affordable) from other shops. For instance, where I'm from, mom and pop coffee places are literally everywhere! All of my friends are not in food deserts either. I have to accept this fact -- the people in my circle don't like sacrificing a bit of their comforts, even when things can be changed for better for all of us in the long run. I don't plan on cutting them off because I know they will have to eventually wake up. Because over fifteen years ago, I was pretty naive. Time is running short and I wouldn't want to wait super long for them to reach to that point.

Anyway, to retain my sanity, I'll have to get back to my mindless hobbies. I've been following an artist influencer who's been sharing public parks, libraries, laundry mats and local food joints in LA. People like her have been giving me so much hope-- I don't want to stay trapped in my echo chamber bubble, I will have to get out and just meet people who want to try to make things better. Not to mention, her fashion sense is awesome too and she looks so beautiful just by sharing helpful resources. I'm going to have to discipline myself too! I'm fortunate that I grew up in a household with family members & a community who are very hospital and not expect anything in return. Yeah, I'm fairly shy at times but I will have to re-awaken my people-interaction skills

1.16.24 Listening to Binks Sake

Happy New Year to you all, I hope your holidays went well for you!

I haven't thought up of any real resolutions yet because it's way too cold for me and I usually wait until late winter/ early spring to get a fresh start. Going by the Gregorian calendar is way too abrupt for me to stay focus. Plus, I was on my low- iodine diet for the past three weeks-- I have been feeling very uninspired. It's finally nice to start eating my normal foods again. Bern took me to a nearest Ranch 99 and helped me load up with grocery shopping, after that, we got some burgers-- they're quite delicious. Especially after three effing weeks. Bern forgot to grab *cute* snacks from Ranch 99, but got these Koala cookies from Target instead:

A couple of my friends (lets call them Croc and Panda) are moving away back to their hometown-- their apartment lease is up. If I am speculating his character correctly, I wished Croc put his proudness aside and ask Bern for help earlier! I know they won't be gone for too long because just like Bern and I, they would not want to stay living with their parents, especially being in a long term relationship and living in separate places. Panda apparently has strong ambitions to get her Masters at a school in LA, I hope that will be soon for her! I'm going to miss them because they're one of our very few friends who are health conscious and have been considerate about others' physical inabilities even if they're not so obvious. I hope it won't be ridiculously long before they move back over here.

Panda ended up dropping a couple of her furniture to our place. Bern and I were in need of new furniture, so it works out! ..And it's kind of nice to have their things, because now it feels like I have a part of them.

So far, my January has been pretty uneventful. I got invested in some Bay Area Californians and Keith Lee discourse on social media. Apparently, a few Bay Area folks didn't take his opinions too well, completely misunderstood him and felt insulted. Fans were upset at other fans for recommending him places in the Tenderloins. Most of the Bay Arean locals agreed with him. I can't weigh too much of my opinion about this because I grew up in an agricultural city-town of the Bay, going to San Francisco and Oakland would always be like a mini day trip.

It sucks that our beloved food critic had to cut his trip short after being sent to an emergency room after an allergic reaction. Scary. I guess wherever he went, the restaurant did not thoroughly remove shellfish particles on their grill after telling him they would :/. I'm sure there are tons of delicious food places in every major regions of the US and I'm sure Keith, who's a smart guy, doesn't doubt that all! Afterall, his branding is about going to only hole-in-the-wall shops with dying businesses ..and he was transparent about visiting only 8 food places! I'm sure no sane person can judge a region made up of NINE DIFFERENT COUNTIES on the food culture, especially being right next to the ocean and agricultural places. If Keith is willing to come back, I would recommend a local paleta shop (fits his criteria for a -hole-in-a -wall) from my hometown... I can guarantee there aren't any shellfish foods there! Unfortunately, a lot of my other personal favorite mom and pop shops probably uses some sort of seafood-based seasoning for umami. I think me being on a LID for the past weeks made me think of food AND that's probably how I ended up reading about the Bay Area food drama. haha

12.26.23

Trigger warning: I'll be discussing health/diet related stuff involving medical related stuff the second last paragraph. I'm no expert, just going by doctor's orders. Feel free to skip that part, if reading this type of subject makes you uncomfortable.

As usual, my parents ended up gifting Bern and I some things for Christmas even after I told them they didn't have to do that, but they wanted to anyways. I received a basketful of persimmons from them. This year, they came out pretty plump and juicy. Normally, I would incorporate persimmons into my baking projects, but Bern and I decided to just keep them around for snacking. We end up going through them quite fast.

Both of my parents gifted me some cooking wares. I tend to bake a lot of casserole dishes, so I'm quite happy that they got me things that I need. I hope I can keep them in pristine condition

. Aren't these tiny Dutch ovens kinda adorable? It's like getting toys with miniature house things. I might use them for 1-day pot pies, quiches, & cobblers.

Remember how I said that Bern and I have to keep our social bubble small? Well, this is part of it. I've just started my low-iodine diet (for medical stuff), so I'm already starting to feel kind of crabby with foods that I have avoid. I also have to keep track of my serving sizes too! Because of certain ingredients, I may have to temporarily avoid wearing colored lipsticks too.

It's a good thing that I'm able to improvise and cook from scratch, I'd imagine it would be extremely difficult for those who aren't into cooking at all. I'm already feeling this frustration, because there are times I just wanted to grab a bag of munchies without preparing anything. I guess when all of this is over, Bern and I will celebrate by getting a nice takeout. I have to be on this diet for a few weeks. So no, this isn't my first time, but I do have to be a big girl and do whatever I got to do to take care of myself. Well, I'm thankful that I got some that privilege to get care & treatment. Telling myself to NEVER GIVE UP!!!!

Besides playing video games, I think I'll distract myself with a bunch of physical activities for the next couple of weeks. The holidays aren't over yet!

12.24.23 Listening to K.K. Birthday- K.K. Slider

Happy Birthday to me! And happy birthday to Tony Tony Chopper. I baked myself a cake made up of: vanilla Swiss merengue buttercream, semi-sweet chocolate ganache, rainbow sprinkle cake tiers, candied cranberries and mango curd filling. I made a few wishes, blew my candle out, and pigged out by the end of the night with Bern. I'm definitely no pro when it comes to cake decorating, but it came out pretty tasty. We're down to one slice left.

We for sure did other stuff before hand: we got Ike's sandwiches, got dressed up, and took a neighborhood stroll in LA County's historical site in Altadena.

We went to look at the world's oldest & largest electrical-Christmas light installation. Parking was simple, it's free and open for the public. I think there are also a lot of interesting museums nearby! Most people would just drive by. I'm kind of a sucker for landmark sites because I like to imagine Huell Howser's ghost saying, "What in tarnation?!"

There was a reviewer who complained about the lights being dim. I'm going to guess they were probably experiencing traditional incandescent light through a camera phone-- you would have to best experience the lights in person, especially since they were first installed a hundred years ago. Imagine trying to capture the moon; it tends to look very beautiful in person, but wildly different in pictures. It certainly did not look dim in person, each bulb was like a size of a house lamp's bulb. Even the cable wires looks very different from a lot of modern-day Christmas lights (I'll stop nerding out now). I know I've been feeling somewhat solemn & helpless for these past few months, but walking under those lights was a nice way to regain my spirit. I was happy that Bern took me out, because the installation was sincerely amazing to look at.

I told y'all that I was going to have a lowkey-holiday, so my birthday was lowkey too (not complaining). I didn't get myself anything else for my birthday. At this point, I haven't even step foot inside a shopping mall.... just not feeling the shopping vibes at all

*Note: Please do keep in mind, like with a lot of historical sites in this country, it comes with a dark past. It's just something we should all learn to recognize.

I don't mind aging because I do feel it's a privilege to age, there are some cool people in my life who didn't make it far

, and objectively, I'm still a young person. I look forward to finishing up my favorite tv show, trying new foods, reconnecting with people and finding new indie games to play. Hopefully, if I can get a bit of accommodations with my physical health, maybe I can bring some stuff to my local community? I want to do something. I'm still trying to figure out ways to break out of my shell.

12.17.23- Lowkey Holiday Celebration Week

Did you know that you can still help generate funding to your local library by simply borrowing books & media through digital apps? I borrowed Nutcracker: The Motion Picture (1986), a favorite Nutcracker adaptation of mine, mainly because I like the set design made by Maurice Sendak, the person who wrote and illustrated Where the Wild Things Are. I'm not sure how to describe Sendak's art style, but when you see it, you just know.

I'm not going to explain why, but I won't being doing much of anything for holidays besides home decorations and spending some free time with Bern. I pretty much skipped the holiday shopping. No ice skating venues or winter festivity exhibits. Usually, every year, I would get a novelty ornament to add to my collection-- I'm just not feeling the vibes this year. Although, I wouldn't mind some social interaction, I'm glad that I won't be hanging out with any of friends and families....there has been a whole lot on my mind. This year will be lowkey.

I had these decorations up for a week now (I always do seasonal decorative switches all year). They're a combination of old items and new collections that both Bern and I kept for years. For instance, Bern kept all his stuffed animals since childhood (like his Puffkins from the Hallmark store).

I like keeping all of my stationery items and decorative skincare packages-- I don't ever throw them out! Pictured below on the right: my crafted Christmas angel dolls. If you're anything like me in a sense that you enjoy building/ crafting, I highly recommend you check out this blog. I was also inspired to craft my Halloween angels after this too.

Bern loves the smell of pine trees. We ended up getting a smaller tree this year-- it's literally no different than getting a bouquet of roses with a vase in terms of pricing. I personally love incandescent multi-colored lights, so I went with the kitschy rainbow stuff.

12.13.23- The Wine Country Was Not Everyone's Fairytale Land

I stumbled upon a tiktok vid about a creator who fell in love my hometown* and I thought it was funny. She's for certain, past the honeymoon phase, her reasonings were valid and I very much believe her... so I see where she is coming from. I'm happy that this woman found a place in one of my childhood hometowns. As much as I enjoyed the beauty of this place, I felt like it's been gate-kept and meant for the protected class, if we have to be quite honest. I know there were plenty folks in that community who've been genuinely welcoming while not putting emphasis on people who do not look like them. Then there are folks who puts on the nice person facade, yet remain distant...some do it subconsciously, not realizing their behavior. Think Anne With An E/ Anne of Green Gables but tucked in some winery region in California, that's pretty much what this place was for me growing up. Beautiful parks, very limited inexpensive food places, lack of night culture outside of breweries, places being so far apart, shitload of wineries, car hangouts and sheltered communities. This place is considered progressive, but at times, it really isn't. Haha.

So where am I going with this? Well, once our lease is up, Bern and I will have to decide whether or not we have to go back to live with our parents. I don't know if I want to live with Bern's parents, mainly because I value a bit of space to indulge in physical hobbies. It will be easier to just go back to my childhood home. Bern can pop by anytime since we grew up in the same district. It will be kind of weird because we're practically married, and it will feel like we've just started dating again.

I'll for sure have to put on my strong girl helmet and just deal with judgey neighbors. Perhaps maybe my old hometown has matured? Maybe people have changed their ways? Either way, what's most important is that Bern and I will have places to live.... even if it's only temporary. I know it's not a perfect city either (no place is), but I will miss LA for sure if that happens. I'll miss being able to wear my alt fashion and no one will bat an eye. I'll miss birdwatching for parrots. Perhaps, I'll use that time to reconnect with people in my hometown if they're still around?

I put *, because I was born in LA started my childhood here but moved to a rural place in California in the middle of first grade. I don't think it's appropriate to claim as an Angeleno because I lived in my other hometown a lot longer and I came back to this city as an adult... even both if both Bern's and my relatives grew up & lives here.

12.11.23 Brainstorming my lil' birthday treat

December is also my birthday month and it's coming up soon... I'm not too sure what I want to do since I can't be around a lot of people (it's literally for health check up reasons lol), not that would matter much anyways since most of my family & friends tend to be preoccupied during this season. I think I will bake myself a cake, a takeout from a local business and just continue to engage in a neighborhood stroll. I've been telling my loved ones not to get me anything non-practical because Bern and I don't have much space for things we don't need. I can sure use a new pair of comfortable sneakers since my current ones are falling apart, and I don't mind food gifts haha. Besides rent money, other bills, and *ehem* world peace ... I don't have much to ask for.

12.01.23-12.13.23 First week of the month, and our leaders are still committing terror

And it's December! The last month of the year. The past few months have been a lot, factually, a lot of everything has been like this over my own lifetime. I won't get into too much details, but imagine going full demonic mode for the whole world to see and years later, your grandkids (they don't have to be biological) would avoid wanting to do anything with you because of the shame you brought upon your family members. When I say full demonic mode, I'm not talking about it a chaotic-good type of way... I meant in a way how the racist bullies appeared in those black and white photos when they were captured during the school integration with the Little Rock 9.

As for now, I've been witnessing just straight-up mass murderers who've been pretty upfront, with no filters showing their intentions on their social media accounts. No amount of mainstream media can hide their actions. It's vile. Like how do they live with themselves?

I feel disappointed in some of my friends. Just seeing how a lot of my colleagues behaved during this display of terror, it gave me an insight on how they would have acted during the 1930s. I want to avoid centering myself in this type of topic, but I shouldn't be surprised at times considering I am a grand/daughter of people who were refugees from the 70s.

Also, what's with some workplaces advising employees not to engage in political discussion? Wouldn't that be hard to avoid since everything we consume is political whether we like it or not? Like if a client vents about wages and parking garage costs, wouldn't that be a valid discussion we can bond over? lol. Or if there's a contamination in our water source, surely, we'd all love to be informed about that. I get that these topics can be uncomfortable, but I'd rather be uncomfortable knowing that we would have a hand in trying to stop something than be comfortable, and act surprised once it actually bites us all in the butt. Even a lot of the media we consume are political, they're not made out of nothing.... Star Wars, Godzilla, The Hunger Games, Stardew Valley, and A Bug's Life lol.

I'm sorry that I have to start my December entry with such non-prettiness. I promise y'all, I do want to share more beautiful moments in the future and if you follow me long enough, it's not like I never not experienced the good things between humanity... I know there are a lot of loving people out there. Overall, I want to be realistic with my feelings because I want to be able to look back at my entries and remind myself how things really were.